#this isnt meant to be a devastating post

[abirddogmoment]

The problem about Mav having been a take everywhere kind of dog is that I can deeply feel his absence no matter what I'm doing or where I am.

[meracyn]

Fairy Whispers ༄

a/n ; first ever fic ! apologies in advance if it isnt too good 😭 thank you for requesting anon <3 this fic is meant to be platonic, but read it either way you’d like + tomorrow ill probs post some shuichi content, n e ways i hope you enjoy !!

Fairy Tail.

The world where magic and adventure intertwine at every corner; where many are given the gift of bearing a sort of power, yet not everyone uses it to help and save others.

There��s corruption. Murder. Bloodshed caused by those consumed by the desire of gaining more power.

But of course, there are always ones with a good heart.

It was a sunny day today; and a day where everyone at the Fairy Tail guild could relax. Everyone was mostly off doing their own thing. Some drinking, reading quietly, chatting or hanging out with others.

It was supposed to be a chill day today, but definitely wasn’t for Lucy.

“Stop! Please, don’t hurt them!”

Lucy was sent on a mission — having to catch some robbers on a small village. It was pretty simple, so she took her time walking around, enjoying her alone time, or was, until she heard faint cries of distress. Following the sound, she came upon a scene that caught her off guard; it was a group of fairy poachers, trapping innocent fairies in nets, crushing or squeezing them in dirty bags. Lucy felt anger, and knew she had to act fast. Summoning her celestial spirits, she began to attack them, using her quick wit and power.

After sending them all flying off, Lucy quickly freed all the fairies, who hid or flew off as well, except for one. Stuck between a net, Lucy picked up the fairy out of the strings. The fairy, with sparkly wings and tear-filled eyes, looked up at Lucy, admiration, yet a hint of sadness mixing in her expression. “Thank you so much for saving me and my friends..” Slightly trembling, she continued. “I thought I was going to be their next experiment..”

Lucy smiled a little, lifting her finger to pat the fairy’s head. “It’s okay now, I’m here to protect you.” She said, hoping to provide her some comfort. However, as they both turned around, Lucy realized the amount of damage that was done. The poachers had destroyed the fairy’s home in the chaos, leaving her with no place to return to. “Where will I go to now?” the fairy whispered in worry.

Though dwelling in sadness, the fairy was admired by Lucy’s quickness to get involved and save her. “Thank you for saving me,” she said, voice slightly shaky. In a moment of thankfulness, she leaned in and gave Lucy a gentle kiss on the nose.

To their surprise, Lucy’s nose began to grow—two feet long, just like Pinocchio — Lucy was stunned — poked her nose, felt embarrassed and shocked. She did not expect that to happen by one small kiss. “Well, at least no one will see me like this! I hope...” she tried to joke, chuckling awkwardly.

The fairy gasped at the sight of Lucy, wondering how the kiss caused that strange effect. “Oh no..I’m so sorry, I didn’t know that would happen, but I’m sure it will wear off in a day.. I’m so sorry..” She cried out, frantically flying around while apologizing profusely.

Lucy only chuckled, shaking her head slightly. “It’s fine! It isn’t your fault, I know you have good intentions. But I guess I can smell trouble from a mile away now!” she exclaimed, trying to lighten the mood. The fairy, though still blaming herself, ended up smiling a little at Lucy’s attempt to make her feel better about the situation.

As they walked together, the fairy got an idea. “What if your nose becomes my new home in the meantime?” Lucy looked at her with an expression that said ‘That is the most wild idea I’ve ever heard.’ At the same time, she did understand how the little creature must be feeling, – losing the only place you call home is devastating.

“Does that mean you’ll decorate my nose and cut some parts to resemble it as a house?” Lucy teased. The fairy let out a short giggle while nodding, going along with Lucy’s jokes. “Now that you said it, maybe I should.” The celestial wizard feigned a look of horror before the two burst into laughter. Lucy promised to help her find a new home, and to find her whenever she needed help in the future.

The rest of the day was spent with them both picking up flowers, grass and small sticks. Using her magic, the fairy transformed the objects into a cloud seat, a small bed, table and chairs, filled with laughter along the way. Despite Lucy’s strange nose, she wasn’t too worried about it – at least it wasn’t permanent. Although it did feel really weird, she never would’ve expected to feel her nose heavy. Is this how Pinocchio felt? The blonde wondered. “I’ll definitely never forget this day.” she chuckled.

As the sun began to set, Lucy decided to lay down on the grass, humming contently as the cool breeze brushed against her skin. This experience was definitely strange but ending up being a lot of fun in the end.

It was quiet for a while, before she spoke up. “Like I said, whenever you need help, come find me at fairy tail. I’m Lucy Heartfilia, and I promise to always protect you.” Turning her head slightly, Lucy raised her hand, holding her pinky finger out. The fairy smiled, giving a nod. “I’m Y/N, and I promise you will always have the protection of the fairies from now on.”

They linked pinkies, under the starry night sky.

[mosswitch219]

Some thoughts on Bad Batch Season 3

SPOILERS

First off I want to say this is going to be a very unpopular opinion and if you liked the szn this probably isnt the post for u, but I feel I have to speak my mind.

Overall after watching season 3 I honestly feel let down and unsatisfied with the events and especially the ending.

1. Techs death is probably the biggest thing that frustrated me because when you kill a character off you should either have your other characters morn and grieve them and learn to accept the loss or bring them back.

However they didn't either of those, instead they pretty much forget he existed they barely reference him and only say his name like twice, it would be fine to show characters in denial about someone's death but it's more like the show is in denial. This is why many bad batch fans were expecting tech to come back, if you don't morn a characters death than the story arch feels incomplete a ppl will wait for it to "end".

Not to mention techs story didn't seem over he left on weird unfinished terms with Phee and it seemed like they would touch on it again but nope.

Also they introduced CX-2 and made it seem like he might be tech, such as having the same build and teasing the identity like it's important and like it will mean something and then at the end for CX-2 and all these super soldiers to mean absolutely nothing.

2. So many unfinished questions, I can't believe this is the end of bad batch and apparently the last clone show. Especially when we still don't know where tf Cody is and all we're told is that he's gone AWOL (mentioned like it will mean something in the future) and then we never see or hear anything about him again.

Then there's Wolffe obviously we know he's in Rebels but what happens between then and now?

Then there's Echo same as Wolffe what happens to him as we never see him fighting alongside rex in Rebels.

Then ventress she was introduced back and then she leaves and we never see or hear about her ever again, she didn't rlly add much they revived and went "look ventress is back" for one episode and then that's it she's no longer important all she did was say "yup omega has a high M count" and then left.

3. Omega and the other force sensitive children could have patched up the plot hole of "somehow palatine is back" by saying using omegas clone DNA that can sustain high levels of a M count and a force sensitive child they were able to figure out how to clone palatine or smth but no it all meant nothing and we never rlly knew what the tests where for even when they had a golden opportunity to reveal it when Rampart forces Nala se to tell him everything abt the experiments

Honestly season 1&2 were great and so I went into season 3 expecting the same amount of quality but I didn't get that. They usually tie everything together and I never felt unsatisfied or confused in szn 1&2 but I did in szn 3. I kept waiting for things to start to tie together especially when the had so many moment where it seemed like the scenes where there just to make things make sense but no they were all there for nothing.

I walked away from szn 3 thinking it must have been rushed or gotten a new writers team bc wtf was any of this, it was so out of character for the writers to make such bad decisions.

I understand if other people like the ending bc we don't usually get somewhat happy endings but this was more like a half-assed happy ending to me, I would have preferred a well written devastating bad ending but this is what we got instead and I am so disappointed. All I could think of szn 3 was about how angry, let down and confused I was and that it was a lame and made me feel meh.

[strawbearyhoney]

at this point im blocking people who blaze posts / who have tumblr badges on sight . do you understand that there is a genocide going on . do you understand that there are so many people in the world who need help . i am so ashamed . that i cant do more . i dont even have ten dollars in my bank account , my account was even overdrafted and i had to get help so it wasnt in the negative . and there are people who have the money to do something but instead of helping they spend their money on 5+ ( ive seen people with 10+ , even 20+ ) colourful little pixels that go next to their username . do you know how much money that is . i come across people with enough badges that it means they spent like , over a hundred dollars . do you even KNOW how much money that is . and if its something that really needs visibility fine , but ive seen people blaze inane posts like ' i saw a snake today ' or ' omg my crush said he likes me ' did you need to blaze that . did you really need to spend money to make sure i saw that . you had the money to help and you spent it so a bunch of people could know that you love dickriding this racist transphobic website , or so that they know your favourite colour is green or whatever the fuck

everyone is doing what they can with what they have , this post isnt meant to say " if you're poor and you got fast food the other day ur a bad person " . yes , spend your money on things that make you happy / leisurely things , too . but jfc have a brain . tumblr ppl with badges are so fucking stupid and annoying . im disgusted . and i bet its those same people who chastise billionaires for not helping when they could . you dont have to own a megamansion and five yachts to be wealthy , or at least financially comfortable !! if everyone who was able to give gave , it would make up for those who couldnt !! you think that youre so powerless but you can do more than so many peoole !! do your part !! ive donated to multiple palestinian gfms / fundraisers but right now its all i can do to try and lift palestinian voices / publish their asks and reblog posts . im so devastated that i cant do more help . i cant understand people who just dont think

[myfirstandlast]

x

[usertoxicyaoi]

so @vegastheerapanyakul asked me to write a lil something from pete's pov, in line with what exactly was going through him at the time when vegas got shot.

and its interesting because .. writing pete's pov on something that isnt sexual, is a beast of a challenge. and this post helps explains why. and it all makes sense now that i reflect. because this piece i've written does not flow. not in the way i usually write. its scattered in a way i cant describe. pete's emotions in this go up and down and then he numbs and then he feels too much and it all just sorta feels like an out of body experience and its off putting and jarring and he's meant to feel more sadder and more devastated in this bc - duh, vegas got shot!! -, but he doesnt?? instead, its more of a process of him processing it all in as vivid images of past conversations flit in and out of his mind like flashes wrt what to he's feeling in that particular moment, which change from one to the next.

anyway. pete's such an enigma to write and tap into.

title: is this it my, love?

summary:

vegas has been lying under him, bleeding out, for .... pete doesn't even know. minutes? or perhaps hours, now? it doesn't matter. it all feels the same, anyway.

some sick part of pete thinks this is all just a nightmare. an out of body experience. that when he wakes up, vegas will still be stood there, turning around to look at him, just like pete asked him to, and they'll be smiling at each other.

but the feel of vegas' blood on his hands, on his clothes, weighs heavy. its warm and its cold and its thick and its oozing out of vegas, draining him off life. this isn't a nightmare. this isn't an out of body experience.

this is cruel. it's evil. an injustice.

[oh-my-moomin]

NGE: You Deserve Love

This is an analysis based solely on the og NGE anime series and not the movie or rebirth series so I won’t be mentioning those.

NGE is a psychological horror/apocalypse story dressed up as a mecha. This farce is only totally dropped in the last 2, even 3 episodes. This can make the ending jarring and seem in cohesive, but ultimately my understanding is that none of the ‘plot’ really matters. Seele doesn’t matter, where the angels come from doesn’t really matter, and the final battle doesn’t matter. This is a story exploring loss, the need for connection, loneliness, and humanity. We see this through not only the interactions of the human characters but also through the angels.

THE HUMANS

The Children

A defining trait of all the characters is that they are lonely. The isolation from human connection is brought on both by the high stress apocalypse they all live in, as well as the personal demons they face. The characters all attempt to create bonds with other people, but are held back by their insecurities, fear of vulnerability, and past traumas.

Let’s start with Shinji, as the main character. Having lost his mother at a young age, and being abandoned by this father, he was never able to feel secure. Therefore he takes on a people pleaser attitude, constantly apologizing. His want for validation (particularly from adults in his life) causes him to continue to take action that he doesn't want to, including piloting the EVA. His self hate and insecurity makes it hard for him to make and trust his own choices. So he relies on others to guide him. When this fails, when he doesn't get the love and validation he craves he tries to quite entirely. But this often leads to the people he cares about being hurt. He's trapped between a rock and hard place.

Asuka was also abandoned, however rather than craving support like Shinji, she chooses to live for herself. She craves independence. She needs to know that she is no longer a child that can be hurt and vulnerable. This is largely shown through both her overt sexuality, and her piloting the EVA. She must be in control of the EVA, she must have power, she must be able to prove herself as the best, the strongest. Because inside she still feels like that hurt desperate child, and that is what she hates most about herself. Unlike Shinji, Asuka is brash and rude, and she expects others to give her the same. She barks and expects you to bark back, but can’t always handle it. 

Both of these characters are constantly looking for connection, with both their peers and adults. While Asuka often pushes herself on to people, out of a need to be seen. Shinji cannot take active moves to make meaningful connections, and will shy away from people trying to connect. Asuka hates herself and needs to prove that others love her. Shinji hates himself and cannot imagine that people love him. 

The Adults

One of the running themes in the show is motherhood. Typically it is the mother that is expected to love and care for the child, to raise them, show unconditional love, give unwavering support. None of the characters have had this, Shinji and Asuka search for validation that they lost in adults in different ways. Unfortunately for them, none of the adults present are suitable to be parents. 

The show makes a point to show that the adult characters are all more complex than the children. They have lived longer and therefore had more time to make mistakes, to get stuck in toxic ideals, to ‘be problematic’. They are not concretely good or bad people (mostly), but rather the result of people who grew up in a post apocalyptic world, trying desperately to stop the salvage it, while also trying to make their own connections. Like the child characters, their past traumas make it harder for them to be more open, vulnerable, and weak, to form that human connection. 

I am going to focus on Misato and Ritsuko, since they act as foils when it comes to human connection.

Misato being left as a lone survivor to a terrible accident has left her scared both physically and mentally. Before this she had issues with her parents, as her father seemed to abandon his family in favour of work, leaving her mother devastated. Misato doesn't want to become like her mother, abandoned by a loved one, and she also doesn't want to be her father, a slave to work. To counter this she looks for easy connections, but she never wants to get too close.

When her relationship with Kaji was beginning to feel too real, she began to find flaws. His resemblance to her father was terrifying, so she broke it off. Similarly, when in scenes with Shinji, talking about his insecurities or his want to give up, she is hidden by shadow. She cannot be seen as weak, she cannot offer comfort, she cannot be a mother figure to Shinji. Other ways her searching for easy connection is her drinking beer, or eating take out. She searches for the most basic ways to fulfill her needs, so that she can focus on her main goal of defeating the angels. 

Ritsuko is also desperate to find human connection without vulnerability. By fully closing off the whole world she can have no weakness, something which she resents in Misato. She views herself as above the need for connection in that way, and would rather follow in her mothers foot footsteps as a scientist and a woman. 

She loved and admired her mother, and hated her. She wants to follow in her footsteps but also would hate to fail in the same ways. She saw how her mother failed to actually mother her, and chose to completely reject that part of herself. Instead she cares for cats, and uses those as a surrogate to having a child. She continues her mothers work as a scientist, constantly striving to improve. And when it comes to the ‘woman’ that her mother was, she knew a stubborn woman who focused solely on one man. So Ritsuko also focused on him, to the point of giving up her cat to her grandmother. Both women tried to create an easy connection with him, both felt that they were his equal, and that they found the one connection that mattered. When it was proven to them that they were a second (third) woman this caused them both to break down. For Ritsuko this meant that even though she closed off the whole world, except for one man, she was still too vulnerable. And her only response was to completely shut down. Because she had no one else.

All of the characters are constantly searching for this connection, trying to show affection without getting hurt. Trying to make sense of the end of the world while also making sense of interpersonal relationships. Their own inner demons getting in the way of honest connection. 

Rei

As a clone Rei is a particular case. She is aware that she is not a ‘person’, she isnt meant for human connection. Her isolation is so ingrained into her, planned before she is even ‘born’ so she feels no need to care for anyone except Ikari. She latches onto him, would do anything for him, and has no value in her life because she is aware that she is not real. 

However, she still has a human source, Shinjis mother. A human person, who also needed human connection. Rei, when given the chance, does care for people. Shinji is the first person to see her as a peer, and to treat her with kindness. With this start of forming connections, she begins to feel more human, to develop a further need to connect. Even if it's hard to fully separate from the man who created her.

THE ANGELS

The angels act as a foil to the human need for connection. While all of the human characters are lonely and searching for connection with each other, the angels are also lonely and trying to learn what that even means. 

There is no scene where the angels are working together, they are solitary, all having the same goal of reaching Adam, but incapable of planning together to achieve it. They instead try to create connection to humans, trying to bond and understand them, without knowing that their methods are harmful. 

I believe this can be first seen with the 12th angel. When Shinji is absorbed into the EVA, it is safe to say that the angel was able to understand the merging of human and EVA. This connection allowed Shinji to control the EVA to break free of the angel's shadow. The following month where Shinji is trapped within his EVA, is our first insight into what the human instrumentality project will be like, as well as the goals of the angels. 

Since angels cannot connect to each other, the 15th angel attempts to create connection by forcing itself into Asukas mind. It wants to understand her, her emotions, her thoughts, her connections, her love. For her this is a painful experience, akin to rape. She feels dirtied after it. But the attack is a beam of light, with holy music playing, what should be a calming experience. I believe it is fair to say that the angel cannot understand that it is putting her through pain, as it cannot understand any human experiences. Angels are incapable of understanding their own feelings/experiences/wants, and try to use humans as a study from which they can learn. 

The following angel confronts Rei about her loneliness. Instead of breaking into her mind through light, it directly entered her body. While talking with her, it questioned what loneliness was, trying to understand its own pain and isolation through understanding hers. Its solution is to merge with Rei, as it believes this would solve both problems. 

However, when she refuses, the angel then tries to find another source of connection. Rei cares about Shinji, as both a clone of his mother, and a friend as her own person. The angel can see that this connection is something that she finds precious and tries to take it for itself, as it cannot understand why Shinji wouldn’t feel the same. It cannot understand how complex human connections are, that it cannot simply take Reis form. However, it has learned what pain is, and how to communicate its own pain. As seen when Shinji attacks it. Whether this pain is physical or emotional doesn't matter, because it is the first pain that the angel could express.

The angels discovering what loneliness is acts as a way for the human pilots to begin to explore their own isolation in more depth. For better or worse.

THE FINAL MESSENGER

Our introduction to the final angel is him singing. He takes a human form, can fully communicate to other humans, and doesn’t immediately attack them. This is such a contrast to all other angels that it isn't immediately clear that he even is an angel. Kaworu's first words are (as per the netflix english subtitles)

“Arent songs great? Songs enrich the heart. They're the crowning achievement of Lilin culture” 

He loves humans, human culture, human lives, and the human world. He is the first angel who is able to show this. His ability to understand humans allows him to form human connections, and he does so with Shinji. 

Kaworu loved Shinji. He would seek out Shinji, take time to bond and communicate with him, and help Shinji open up. He wanted to be close with Shinji, and knew how to be gentle in ways that no other human or angel could. He was patient, because he had time. And Shinji was able to open up to him more than with any other character. Shinji  was able to take the initiative to ask to stay with him, to try and form that connection.

All the human characters are struggling with their own demons, with an apocalyptic world. The whole earth is at war and Shinji is in the front lines, surrounded by adults who may want to help him but ultimately can't. Saving everyone is a higher priority to saving one kid, especially when that kid is your strongest soldier. Throughout the series Shinji is given conditional love. It is only when he pilots the EVA, defeats the angels and saves the day that people give him validation. Then comes this boy, who is gentle and kind, who listens. And it's easy, its comfort, its understanding and unconditional love, and its exactly what Shinji has needed for the whole series. 

But as a messenger he could never stay, he's temporary and by the end of the episode he understands this. He still is driven to ‘Adam’, he has a mission, but instead he is confronted with Lilith. Kaworu understands that humans and angels cannot live together in harmony, only one can survive. Both Adam and Litlith were made in god's image, but only Adam could stay in the garden of Eden. Death and Life hold equal value to Kaworu, so he doesn't mind the sacrifice, he would rather die to protect humans, to protect Shinji. He can  also understand that this is difficult, this is murder, this is killing a friend. So he says “thank you” and he waits.

In other episodes when in a battle, Shinji is constantly being yelled at, told what to do, under constant pressure. But here there is just the same patient understanding that Kaworu has always shown him. No rush for him to take action, just time to process and grieve. Because Kaworu knows Shinji will make the hard choice and he waits, and he smiles, and he continues to love Shinji. 

The final angel came down as a messenger and said

“You are important. 

I want to talk to you, to know you. 

You are in pain, you are fragile and should be protected. 

You are worthy of my affection. 

I like you. I love you. I was born just so that I could meet you. 

Our kind cannot survive together, one of us must die. And you deserve to live. 

I will take this burden of death because you deserve a future. 

I am glad I could meet you, thank you. 

I know this is hard, and I know you need time. I will wait.

Thank you.”

That was the last message to humanity.

And because Shinji is human he says back

“We are the same. I love you too. If only one of us could have lived it should have been you. You are better than me. You should have survived.”

[dirtygfconfessions]

do you see why people wanted the blog to be left alone now? the entire concept of “dirty gravity falls confessions” was literally the humor of 15 year olds in 2015, it doesn’t hold up 6+ years later. it hasn’t aged well. this blog was always getting weird horny asks, and by keeping this thing running for a crowd that didn’t mature, youre kinda just encouraging it. youd have a lot better time just making your own fandom blog and leaving this dead horse in its grave.

lmao im not "encouraging" that shit i literally left this blog alone for YEARS until some asshole mod deleted every single post on here. i literally only "revived" the blog to reupload some lost history since it meant a lot to people. now that most things were found and archived once again the blog is just for the occasional shitpost now. like yea i agree this entire concept of a blog is stupid and the humor isnt great but i kept it around for a reason. i made this blog when i was 14 and i was devastated when everything got deleted even if it was long after the fact i abandoned it. because it was a huge part of my online experience as a teenager and i met so many of my friends through it. if you really dont want to see me try and reserve some fond memories for myself and others then why are u still following this blog at all? dont be such a dick lmao

[3liza]

hey im not gonna spread your weird social media-mediated brain infection on my blog, instead here are some cool studies to look at about how the "beautiful people have an easier life, every day, all the time" is a simplistic view, and is also patriarchal as fuck. more recent studies on "beauty privilege" are finding that the issue is complex, and that perceived beauty acts as a negative pressure in some/many social situations. i have always wondered why my experiences varied so much from the apparent wonderland the pop-science concept of "beauty privilege" paints, and more recent studies (often designed by women this time, imagine) are getting into the complexity there.

you personally may want to think about not reading my social media accounts if they are making you feel and act like this. i think i am not going to interact with you anymore if i can help it because i feel bad about what it is doing to you. anyway.

the short version is that beauty is beneficial in heterosexual social situations when dealing with the opposite sex, but detrimental when dealing with the same sex. this aspect of the research is usually ignored because who needs nuance in their pop psychology, right? not this guy (pointing 2 self)

very simply put, a beautiful woman can flirt her way out of a ticket from a heterosexual male cop. if she tries it on a person who doesnt consider her a potential romantic partner, there may be (and apparenly often are) negative consequences.

similarly in my own life i find that 99% of the apparent opportunities i'd been given for being young and fuckable were predicated on me actually fucking* the person who "offered" them, and most of them turned out to be fake/insincere opportunities anyway. tumblr refers to this as "grooming" when applied to child subjects (which i was, for much of it) but the behavior persists into the target's adulthood, middle age, and even old age if certain conditions are met. i can't find any studies on this because you can't put a Sleazy Guy in a lab setting and ask him "hey were you actually going to hire this woman on hte up-and-up, or were you going to 'hire' her and then spend 16 months making increasingly deranged sexual harassment attempts before reporting her to HR for made-up reasons and then finally firing her or hamstringing her career? just wondering".

i always think about that episode of Always Sunny where Mac goes nuts because every kid in his class was molested by the gym teacher and he imagines this to be some sort of privilege, even though charlie was one of the victims and is clearly devastated by it. thats what this conversation feels like every time it gets to the level of anons making fake tumblr accounts to KEEP pestering me about this stuff. remember that thing i said earlier about blood in the water, and how i dont post about bad shit that happened to me because it attracts the wrong kind of attention??? hehuehueheuheuhuehriuhgfidsrhru

actually thats a whole other realm of study: why victims of sexual assault and abuse are often re-victimized. until recently it was assumed that the victims were making bad decisions in who to trust, and this is sooorrrrtt of true, but doesn't tell the whole story. i read a study once that i am trying to find and will post later if i find it, that took video of adult women study subjects (who had agreed to be filmed) walking normally just down the street publically, and showed this video to male test subjects. if im remembering the study correctly, which i may not be, the male subjects who scored higher on psychopathy indices were better able to indentify the women in the test footage who had been sexually assaulted at some point in their former lives.

something to think about is a lot of "attractive" qualities (including proccupation with physical appearance leading to altering that appearance to be more beautiful), especially in the manic pixie archetype, are very strongly represented in trauma victims, especially sexual assault survivors (as is the opposite, intentionally trying to be "unattractive" to avoid further victimization). this includes "seductiveness", one of the adjectives used to diagnose child sexual abuse victims before the verbiage in the literature got cleaned up. obviouly a child cant be "seductive" and thats pretty offensive and fucked up to say. what they meant is that the childs behavior has been altered by trauma to become sexualized to appease attackers. this is part of the "fawn" sector of emergency responses in humans (along with fight, flight, and freeze).

so when we talk so cavalierly of "beauty" and "attractive people" vs "unattractive people" we are simplifying an issue that is so complex it is difficult even to think about. this complexity makes me go "hmm" every time theres a study on it, much less a popular belief. a lot of it sort of doesnt square with easily-observable phenomena: if physical beauty is so correlated to success, why are the 1% of wealthy people, politicians, actual power-holders, hell even the CEOs of normal companies, very very rarely what you would consider physically beautiful, even when they havent aged out of what the culture thinks is the maximum span of time someone can be "hot"? some of this is just personal preference, and it's real hard to study any of this because of how complex that issue becomes. but where are all these hot successful people i keep hearing about? are they all trophy spouses and retired from the public eye? you can definitely cherrypick examples of "influencers" etc but thats an extremely narrow line of work, and not representative.

anyway! lot of the "do beautiful people get more stuff" research is from quite a while ago, wasnt designed well, and was based on a work and social culture that was quite a bit different than it is now. but even older studies document this effect. ive spent like many minutes typing about this stupid bullshit so im bored and annoyed now and i dont want to type about it anymore

1. Effects of Self-Esteem Threat on Physical Attractiveness Stereotypes

2. Does being attractive always help? positive and negative effects of attractiveness on social decision making (cant find the sci-hub version, alas, but documents a negative effect we're actually seeing an anecdotal example of in my inbox rn)

3. Is beauty a gift or a curse? The influence of an offender’s physical attractiveness on forgiveness

* often it wasnt even just a sex thing. it's very very often a romance/relationship that is desired by the perpetrator. it's a misapprehension of the public that sexual harassment/grooming is "just about sex" or even less accurately "just about power", it isnt

[wickedpact]

Can we please get your essay about Nicky's feeling towards the possibility of losing Joe?

so the Thing about nicky’s thoughts on losing joe vs joe’s thoughts on losing nicky, like i mentioned in the other post, is that nicky’s thoughts arent prioritized in the film the same way as joe’s. we see several long, drawn out scenes where joe is hovering over nickys body or something of the like, and its pointedly shown again & again to the audience that the idea of losing nicky horrifies joe.

the closest thing we get to that w nicky is when joe is stabbed and nicky lunges for him, which is a split second shot-- you know, it doesnt Linger like it does w joe on the van or joe after keane

(longish post under cut)

so like. the movie does Not prioritize showing nicky’s fear of loss- nicky’s fear of loss is even less prioritized than andy’s, where we see her urging booker to get up after the grenade. the only other scene we get with nicky confronting the idea of joe dying is when The Lads are talking about lykon, and we see a muscle in nicky’s jaw jump before he looks over to joe

(and we see, when the camera cuts to joe, that joe was already looking at nicky)

what we do see in regards to nicky’s thoughts on loss/death, (which are both scenes where the focus is placed solely on him), is 1.) the scene where he talks to nile about destiny and 2.) the scene where he talks to merrick about death

and both of those scenes kind of imply nicky believes in a... higher power, i guess. theres a million words worth of meta (that i wont write) about how complicated joe & nicky’s relationship with religion must be, i mean living with andromache ‘i was once worshiped as a god’ the scythian would be Enough in that regard, but immortality is going to shake up your relationship with god, and thats not even factoring in the whole gay business.

and-- there’s this post going around with a g rucka quote that i reblogged that says that homophobia is a modern, western invention, which is true in a lot of ways, but both the quran and the bible condemn homosexuality-- the story of sodom and gomorrah are in both. and as much as its true that The Gay Shit wasnt taken as seriously as a sin in Ye Olden Days.... like, still, god isnt cool with gays. he never has been.

and that must be like. a weird thing for them. that theyre, you know, granted this supernatural ability, this immortality, and also tossed together the way they were?

i mean, do you ever thing about it? a quick google search of ‘how many people have there been ever‘ claims that humanity has been around for 50,000 years and that there have been 108 billion people who’ve lived over those years. and joe and nicky, they managed to meet, over those 50000 years. same lifetime. same year. same month. same day. same city. same hour. same battle. same minute. AND they killed each other.

and then, on top of that, they were both immortals. thats, what, for just one of them, a 7/108,000,000,000 chance? and i dont even know how to calculate the statistics of them both being immortal, then both killing each other. its fucking boggling, the chances of that. and then on top of that, they were both gay, and then, on top of that, they ended up being perfect for each other.

ITS BOGGLING

i dont know how you can walk away from an experience like that and not believe in some higher power, but it must feel weird to, you know, believe in this god that condemns people like you, but also placed you in this situation.

anyways, off of that rant, nicky seems to believe in some higher power. fate, destiny, god, whatever. but he says ‘we were meant to find each other. its like destiny.’ to nile, while looking at joe. (and you know a lot of people dismiss nicky as the less romantic of the two but its not joe who basically said he and nicky were soulmates or anything, nickys just more subtle about affection grumble grumble grumble)

but anyways nicky says or implies he believes he and joe were Brought Together By fate/god/destiny/etc. and then, when talking to merrick, he says ‘the only reason we haven’t [died yet] is that it’s not our time yet. if it’s now andromache’s, nothing you can do will stop it.’

so nicky also believes that the time of their deaths is ordained by.... fate/god/destiny/whatever

and theres also something to be said... in my other post i talked about how scary the idea of losing andy mustve been to joe and nicky in that moment, given how long they knew her, how much they relied on her, how much they loved her, and how little they knew about her condition, or how quickly she might bleed out in front of them. its a terrifying experience, but nicky’s response to it was, ‘if it’s now her time...’

and thats not to say nicky doesnt love andy, thats not to say nicky wouldnt kill to keep andy alive, thats not to say nicky wouldnt take a bullet for andy. because he does. we see him do that. he’ll fight for andy because he loves andy, but he finds out she may die in front of his face, and there isnt a hint of panic to him.

he loves her, he’ll fight for her, he’ll worry about her, but the idea of her dying doesnt panic him like it panics joe. does it scare him? yea. does it devastate him? yea. look at his little face.

does he react like joe reacts? not even close

because nicky has this faith, and thats what i meant about nicky and joe having this fear vs faith dynamic. nicky believes in some higher power-- this power put them together, made them immortal, and gifted nicky with the love of his life. this higher power decides when they die.

and you know, why would this higher power put joe and nicky together like that, only to take them out separately? he never directly says as much, [So This Is Me Speculating] but i think nicky believes that he and joe are going to go out together. because theyre meant to be together. theyre not meant to be separated

(and: thought i just had, but that reminds me of that interview were marwan k and luca m were asked where theyd like to see joe and nicky taken in the story and lucas like ‘always together <333333′ and marwans like ‘ok but what if one of them DIED’. the method acting....)

but anyways joe on the other hand just doesnt seem to have that comfort

and-- thats also not to say nicky’s like, immune to fear of loss. like i said, there’s that scene when they talk about lykon, where nicky looks scared. hes still, you know, frightened of losing joe, but i think he finds comfort in this faith that joe just doesnt have

and nicky- he’ll fight for joe like he’ll fight for andy, because he loves joe, and he doesnt want to see joe hurt, doesnt want him to be hurt, but i dont think nicky’s like, gripped by this single-minded panic that joe is gonna perma-die every time he gets harmed

but you know, like i said, we just dont see much of nicky and loss, so a lot of what im saying here is speculation

[littlenekosfan]

i vagued about that several times, but i wanted to make a post alone bc i never actually dove into it i believe? im not really familiar with the emotion of anger since im rather irrational unlike bazz who... is just so familiar with it, anger, frustration or even hatred, he’s is good at keeping it silent or express it with a smile to not loose it... too good actually... bazz had unfortunately a lot of experience which left him scarred, traumatized, and he’s not the type to express his pain via melancholia but rather anger and his actions shows it pretty well.. and the thing is, its not out of pettiness, his anger is pretty rational, i can even call it determination, not a healthy one, but still rational

as a kid, he lost everything, i mean, literally... his parents, his home, basically everything that attached him to that life, the only thing.. or well, person left was jugram, who was his only friend back then (and ever was somehow), when he witness his home being burned down, he didnt cry or felt heartbroken like a child would, he was devastated yes, but to him mourning or coping wouldnt fix his loss, he took the path of revenge, the debt to his pain can only be repaid by punishing the one to blame, yhwach

so he trained, he trained day and night for 5 long years, he didnt just throw himself on yhwach to avenge his past out of hatred bc bazz is good at managing it, but he cant let go.. this is what i meant by determination, he couldnt let go what yhwach took from him after a year a two, the time he made a new life with jugram, his pain wont close until that man dies by his hands. (and obviously, its not heathly) and while i think he’s rational to feel that hatred, he shouldnt have let him consume him this much bc this is what made him even more broken

in FRIEND 3, he desperately tries to get yhwach’s attention, bc this is it, this is the endgame for him to finally live free, but what happens instead? he not only wasnt able to kill him but this time he truly looses everything and by the SAME person, yet, bazz doesnt wanna kill yhwach anymore after that... bazz' revenge was wanting to kill yhwach bc he took his everything back then, he did it again even there, but that second time seemed to scar him even deeper, not bc he has grown up (so his feelings are more developed as a teenager unlike a kid) but bc his everything had more value... 

its jugram

you can tell, you can tell how one scarred more than the other, the day he lost his home, he was able to get up and say what he was going to do next, with determination and certainty, where here, in FRIEND3, we see his face in dismal but nothing after that bc it didnt get better, he got so hurt he didnt even try to convince jugram to come back, he was too broken for that... now he has nothing, not even a shoulder to lay on, just himself and an empty heart... with a small flame...

unlike his first loss, yhwach didnt take jugram’s life, he took him away from bazz, which explains why bazz didnt target yhwach, he thinks jugram left him rather than he was taken away/kidnapped, and that’s a big factor bc this is why bazz’ hatred is now aimed to jugram, he thinks he deliberately left him, for power or even to hurt him (bazz wont think of jugram’s feeling when he left him, he really believes he did it for selfish reasons)

so for 3 long lonely years, he wasnt thinking about joining back the army to be the strongest quincy like his kid self was dreaming about, he didnt join to become close to yhwach in order to kill him, he did it because of jugram... that hatred i mentionned earlier isnt toward jugram himself, its toward what he became, he doesnt like “that jugram”, he hates it so much he constantly wants to fight it but never with the intent to kill and you can tell by how he provokes him, and still listen to him by not pushing it

some would think his hatred toward him irrational or unfair, but its not, its totally rational he feels like that, he shouldnt feel like that if he wanted things to change ofc, but he cant step back and recognize his own mistake bc he doesnt think he made any.. HE was the one left behind, HE was the one who was supposed to be yhwach’s right hand bc HE was the one who lost everything... he was the protagonist of his own story and jugram kinda stole it... but i digress

what i wanted to say is, his hatred, that rage, he is capable to contain it and control it so well, he doesnt lash out in a violent way on jugram, he only provokes him... if he really hated jugram, to the point there is no love toward him anymore, it wouldnt be hard for him to break the rule and try to kill him even if it kills him.. i mean, what’s left for him to even be alive? literally nothing...

yhwach was easy to wish death on bc he has no attachment to him, at all, only pure hatred and revenge, where jugram, he still has that bond, that bond of a friend and even if jugram broke it, he cant help but still see him as a friend, he still loves him

and this is probably why it scarred him the most, in his whole life, he has never cared for someone as much as jugram... and now he sees that person whom he loved the most hurt him...., and i think that's why he wants to fight him, he wants to show/express his pain, prove jugram he's on the wrong path, not for jugram's good, for his own, since jugram is his everything.. that doesnt mean he doesnt care about ju and his wellbeing, he was still disappointed in what he became under yhwach's wing, he promised him THEY would be the greatest.. bazz didnt use jugram like yhwach would say, he wanted to be his partner more than anything

i know what you’re thinking, why did bazz said he would kill jugram in 630 "ill kill yhwach and you along" bazz didnt want to kill yhwach for the same reasons as when he was a kid aka burned his village down, in 630 he wanted to bc yhwach did the auswahlen again, he betrayed him.. so he wanted to kill jugram for the same reason, jugram kinda indirectly betrayed bazz with yhwach there bc he knews jugram knew about it,, and he’s now a lost cause to him.. this was kinda the "deadline" to trying to fix whats was between them, if not at the first war, if not in a 1000yrs, do you really think things would change after a second war? that loop wont end as long as one kills the other... and this is what happened, i dont think bazz had the intention to kill bc he hated jugram, but the pain is too much to bare, seeing the man you loved and cared, who felt the same toward you just ignore you over and over is... too much, maybe death was the only solution... i already talked about that, but if bazz was to win (which im pretty sure he knew he had very very low chances if not none) he would be horribly heartbroken...

i explained it before but, their fight was the best way to end their relationship in "good terms" and yknow how bazz said "things dont always turn out like you wanted them to" it just shows how bazz didnt want to result in that, in that fight, in everything that happened between them was nothing he wanted....

he truly loved ju, he just wanted his old jugram back and be the greatest together...

[solidburnreturned]

theory: barb is a pop rock troll

SPOILERS FOR TROLLS WORLD TOUR BELOW!

OKAY so. I’ve been weeping about this for a while and I need to post it right now immediately. it’s gonna be a little long, so bear with me!

imagine this okay. barb loves hard rock. always has. but she likes the rock that’s a little catchier...and maybe feels like theres an itch in her ear that rock isnt quite scratching. whatever, right? 

and when she’s crowned queen she’s given access to archives of troll knowledge and history. she’s excited to learn about the history of the strings and learn about/listen to the other genres. and when she hears pop...it clicks. after that, no matter how disgusted she is with herself, she keeps catching herself humming and singing pop/pop rock under her breath.

but why would I think this!! barb’s whole mission is to wipe out music other than rock, including pop! okay, I’m gonna go thru everything real quick that lead me up to this theory :)c

1. barb’s rant about pop

after hearing the pop music from poppy’s card (plus the face full of glitter), barb goes on a tirade about how she hates pop and how she cant get it out of her head. that doesnt really make a lot of sense if she’s always lived in the rock kingdom...where is she hearing this pop that’s getting stuck in her head? herself! pop tunes that she wants to sing but she chokes back for fear of judgement and just the shame of being part of a genre that tried to destroy rock. 

2. barb’s eyes

it’s small but! compared to other rock trolls who, for the most part, have dark mauve and red eyes, barb’s are bright pink, similar to poppy’s. maybe a hint to her pop side!

3. this:

in this scene, you can see two reactions from barb: shock from poppy turning on her when she’s supposed to be hypnotized, and fear from the guitar being pointed at her. you can actually see her pupils dilate with fear. but if barb’s already a rock troll, what’s there to fear? unless she’s not fully a rock troll. the terror is that, if she is zapped with the guitar, her pop side would be exposed as the guitar would strip away her pop qualities, namely her eyes (as theyre the most visible pop quality she has). to be exposed as not a full rock troll would ruin her in this situation, as queen and just in the context of her world tour. 

4. pop has ruined everything

after the strings are destroyed by poppy, barb is devastated. 

she barks at poppy that, once again, pop has ruined everything. but maybe she’s only half saying this to poppy? she’s no longer hollering to the crowd, she’s barely muttering. it could be that she’s saying this to herself, frustrated with her pop side. its made her weak; it allowed poppy to keep the guitar away from her and smash it. it made her stop and listen to everyone talk about embracing differences rather than just grabbing the guitar and turning everyone into rock trolls...maybe because, just for a second, she thought that maybe it could be okay for her to be a pop rock troll? and now here she is, with no music at all, all because of pop.

5. thrash’s words

when barb looks to her dad, the only person she has in the world that she feels truly loves and cares for her, the guy she’s been trying to make proud during this entire tour for advice, he says very simply: “It’s all right, Barbara. Just let everyone be what they wanna be. Including you.” that last bit meant something. thrash knows. he’s always known, and he’s just wanted his daughter to be happy. he’s waited for this day to come so he can tell her that it’s okay to be pop rock; it’s okay to be who she really is. why else would he make such a point to include her in his advice?

6. barb’s heart

this is the big one y’all. when everyone is grey, the only source of color is their hearts. pop hearts are pink:

rock hearts are deep red:

but barb’s heart?

pink, with a red glow. a mix of pop and rock. something she’s kept hidden for years and years, and now she finally feels safe enough to have her true colors shine with a bright, colorful, very pop rock rainbow and black mohawk!! 

7. the girl group

okay this is little lol but i just thought it would be cute to think of barb being so excited to have a girl group with poppy, a pop troll, and carol, a rock troll, as a pop rock troll. what a happy ending for her!! ilysm barb ;o;

that’s about it! thank u for reading, lemme know ur thoughts if u have them!! i have a bunch more barb theories that i’ll be posting soon :)c but this was the big one! 

[babysizedfics]

Poor roman :( but that being said I am heka interested in 5

remus humiliates roman in front of jamal (but jamal is a sweetheart)

vote from this concept voting post!

TWs: swearing, emotional humiliation, arguing, remus is generally pretty mean in this - not "unsympathetic" but his behaviour is not ok, brief alcohol mention but it isnt a main feature

first some background info on remus and ro:

roman and remus' friend groups actually run parallel to each other by pure councidence in that theyre the same age and are both in the local queer scene

usually they only run into each other on nights out and avoid each other like the plague... until one of romans friends and one of remus' friends become a very serious couple and the friendship groups merge

remus tends to hang it over romans head whenever they argue or remus just feels like teasing him that he could so so easily spill romans secret littlespace to all his friends

and while roman claims to not care he also really doesnt want that to happen, especially the specific things remus threatens to reveal (namely him calling his cgs mommy and daddy, and his fear of the dark - which remus knows are romans biggest embarrassments)

and remus never USUALLY actually follows through on his threats, he loves to freak roman out but he doesnt mean to be intentionslly cruel.

but one night theyve had an argument recently and remus is out to hurt roman and finally follows through on his threat to reveal romans secrets. in front of jamal

((the actual incident below the cut))

all the friends are walking back from a night out, and remus hangs back from the group to talk to jamal. roman is just glaring at remus and not saying anything and holding jamals hand tightly. remus hasnt embarrassed him too bad so far, just asking jamal questions and referring to roman as his "baby brother" which is so annoying, but the thing is roman can tell hes building up to something

then suddenly remus smirks when he sees a completely pitch black side street thats theyre about to pass by, and he calls out to everyone "hey guys, there's a 24/7 mcdonalds through here and its a shortcut to the bus stop" and everyones like WOO mcdonalds and redirects to go down the side street

and romans heart pounds watching the friends all filter down the street without a second thought, theres no streetlights down there, theres light on the other side quite far away, but before that its SO DARK. and he freezes in place and jamal is tugged back by it and looks back at him. "babe, come on"

romans starting to feel shaky and he literally cant move his feet. his eyes flick between the street and remus' sadistic cocky smirk.

"whats wrong baby bro? you stuck or something?" remus leers with that stupid stupid smirk

and roman HATES him so so much

"ro, what's the matter?" jamal asks

"i- um," roman stutters, trying to keep his voice from shaking too much at the sight of his friends just having DISAPPEARED into the darkness - how are they okay with that?? "i- im not hungry"

"okay well i am, and remus said it was a shortcut anyway so-"

"i-i -- no i can't"

seraphina, romans best friend, looks back and notices whats happening and quickly jogs over (knowing roman is scared of the dark) "hey roma, it's okay we dont have to go down there" she soothes

jamal is supportive but he doesnt get it. he thinks roman is scared of criminals or smth. "i promise theres no one bad down there, hun. and i'll be right next to you the whole time, i'll protect you" and he smiles and tugs romans hand to pull him towards the side street

romans eyes quickly tear up and he panics and rambles "nononono dont please please i cant i cant" in a broken voice and plants his feet firmly on the ground, paralysed with fear

remus starts cackling "ohhhhh thats right~" as if he just remembered. "my baby brother's terrified of the dark, isn't he?"

"f*ck off, re" sera barks, standing between the twins, protective of roman

"wait, are you?" jamal asks sounding surprised. roman doesnt let himself look at him, too busy watching remus warily and knowing thats not all he has planned to embarrass roman

remus goes on, shouting out to jamal over sera's head "he's petrified!" he confirms sounding delighted. "yknow that massive blackout last summer? he cried like a baby. literally sobbing for his daddy patton to make it go away"

theres a brief silence because no, sera and jamal didnt expect remus to refer to patton as romans daddy - they both know roman calls him dad but this is a surprise.

and that one second of silence drags on for ages for roman, all he can hear is his heart pounding in his ears and remus' obnoxious laughter

he is shaking, frozen in shock rather than fear now. for all of remus' teasing threats at home, he didnt expect remus to actually do it. hes devastated and humiliated that remus told to his best friend and especially his BOYFRIEND of all ppl

and honestly he's not even thinking about the pitch black side street right now because the streetlights on the main road are blurred by tears welling in his eyes anyway

"why dont you just leave him alone!" sera hisses furiously after her mild shock

then jamal bounces back rlly stern to remus "yeah i already know about that! roman told me and it was HIS choice to tell me"

roman stares at him in disbelief but jamal is too busy staring daggers at remus to notice

remus looks suddenly offended and frowns. hes clearly hurt that the others dont think its funny "jeez youre both such bores. im just having some fun"

"youre demented if you think thats fun" seraphina growls and shoves remus away towards the sidestreet. remus rolls his eyes and runs ahead to join the others who are all oblivious to that coversation, howling with drunken laughter in the pitch black and jumping out and scaring each other

"f*cking prick" jamal calls after remus, seething

sera quickly throws a concerned look to roman "you okay?"

roman just swallows thickly and looks between seraphina and where he saw remus join the others in the pitch black. his stomach churns at the idea of remus telling more people. "i-is he gonna--"

"im on it" sera nods and starts turning around "i wont let him tell anyone else, roma, promise" then she runs ahead to keep an eye on remus and to give him and jamal some privacy

after a moment jamal turns back to roman looking so worried and holds his hands and asks very gently "babe, can you tell me how youre feeling?"

and roman is teary but he whispers "i - you stuck up for me"

jamal looks suddenly sad and cups romans cheek "of course i did"

"but you said i told you about it. i- i didnt tell you that i-" roman gulps after his voice wobbles "i didnt tell you about it"

and jamal smiles sadly and goes "i know babe... im sorry, i just didnt wanna give him any more power. it seemed like he's held that over you for a while"

suddenly the tears in romans eyes overspill and he doesnt really know why but he can't stop them

jama gasps a little "oh roman, its ok" and just pulls him into a tight hug

roman clings and sniffles, glad that he can hide his tears from his boyfriend even if it is in his neck.

and jamal just strokes his back and whispers "its ok baby, its ok" **

they talk about it quietly as they take the longer, well-lit route instead. roman admits he would never have told jamal abt his fear on his own - and the reason he's been avoiding staying overnight at jamals apartment is bc the one time he did he got so scared of the dark that he couldnt sleep and was just anxious all night but wouldnt wake jamal to tell him

after jamal finds out hes like baby why didnt u tell me its okay and comforts him about it not being embarrassing or childish. then:

"so you do actually want to stay at mine, its just because its so dark that you didnt?"

roman nods shyly "yeah... im sorry i know its a dumb fear i just-"

"its not dumb ro. i meant to say if it works for you, we could leave the hall light on and the door open. its not like i live with anyone who can walk in."

roman blinks "wait you - really? it wont make it hard for you to sleep?"

jamal smiles softly "no hun, honestly i could sleep anywhere. i fell asleep in the middle of the day in the staffroom just last month"

roman laughs, so so so relieved

"so... maybe next time you come over for dinner you could stay the night, yeah?" jamal says with a smile and a blush. he wraps his arm around romans waist and pulls him in, hip to hip

roman bites his lip and blushes. after a moment he suggests shyly "im free tonight..."

and jamal smiles so big, stops walking and puts his arm up to romans chest to stop him too then angles romans jaw down to kiss him

in the near future jamal promises to buy a plain nightlight and always leaves it on for roman when he stays overnight from then on

**side note: roman could never stand anyone calling him baby before because he felt infantilised at school becaus of his undiagnosed adhd. so he sees it as a derogatory name more than anything. but when jamal says it roman feels so warm and respected because he knows jamal would never mean it in that way. so jamal has "baby" rights basically

[benreyplush]

ok so

benny is some sort of benrey clone after some weird shit happened when benrey was defeated and made his way back into gordon’s games like payday 2.

he somehow got into terraria and has no memory of black mesa or who he was even based off of. he barely remembers his name and all it came out to him was “benny”

he’s also freakishly tall

when jack (the world’s guide) found him, he was very quiet and seemingly apathetic about his surroundings. didn’t really talk much and jack thought he was an enigma for a while. he did his usual and helped him begin his life there.

but then benny started doing some weird shit that jack wasnt prepared for. enemies couldn’t hurt him. he could freeze time. destroy and create items indefinitely. he has no idea what benny is and the order of the guide never talked about anything like this so obviously he’s very freaked out at first

slowly benny starts remembering some of his old personality and would say things that make 0 sense to jack. jack doesn’t know what “poggers” means.

eventually benny remembers a lot of it and actually feels kinda sad. like he feels like he has to be this “benrey” but he doesnt want to be. hes different.

and jack tells him he’s not benrey. he became his own thing and that was good! and he doesnt have to be like him. benny was very relieved by this and sorta became his own thing. like he was still like benrey but less of an asshole and really just goofed around. he still found himself harassing the new npcs that move in but he never harasses jack. he likes jack.

jack says he wont call him benrey. to him, he’s benny. and benny really appreciates it.

jack always wondered what benny meant by “self aware” when he talked about his memories. benny talked about the “npc ai just getting a mind of their own” and said when he joined this new world, it must have turned everyone in terraria self aware like in half life. so thats cool.

eventually jack like. realizes he might have a lil crush on benny and feels bad about it. because he knows his fate is to be sacrificed in the end and he doesnt wanna grow too close to benny.

but inevitably they end up together and jack is starting to question if he needs to die. like originally he came to terms with it a long time ago but now he’s actually reconsidering??? wow! they have at least one argument when jack actually sits him down and explains the wall of flesh thing.

at some point jack convinces benny to take him on an adventure and they end up in the underworld. jack’s plan was to go through with the sacrifice and almost succeeded but benny grabbed him and told him not to do that again. and jack was like “you have to let me do this” and benny was like “no dude i love u” and then they kissed and it was like. the first time either of them have kissed anyone ever but it was still nice.

and jack is like “ok actually i want to live with you forever lets go home” but a demon appears when they arent paying attention and attacks them and jack gets knocked into the lava and the wall of flesh is summoned. and benny is devastated. 

when thats over a new guide shows up but benny wants nothing to do with him bc he is not jack. and benny is mad at himself bc he can freeze time, control enemy spawn rates n shit but he cant bring ppl back to life and he feels worthless about it

so the rest of the story is about benny having to move on and accept his death :(

so its a sad story 

but here’s some nice things

benny knows the sweet voice still and uses it on jack all the time. it was confusing to them both when he did it the first time. eventually jack gets used to it and actually really likes it. 

jack is supposed to be the helpful npc so he usually keeps himself together but as he grows closer to benny his emotions start coming out more and whenever he’s stressed he can just look at benny and say “sweet voice pls” and benny calms him down with it. benny also uses it to get jack to sleep (”blue and red means its time for bed :)” ) because normally he shouldnt have to but being self aware is tiring.

oh also whenever jack gets burns from the voodoo dolls in the underworld, benny heals them with the sweet voice healing beam :). benny has no idea how he keeps getting burned and eventually just assumes its bc of the furnace and is like “bro stop shoving ur hands in the furnace lol” and jack cant bring himself to tell him the truth so he just goes with it.

benny was the first to confess and he did it by serenading jack with the worst guitar playing that jack has ever heard <3 but it still made him smile. i know he really had to think about it before accepting it bc wall of flesh, can’t get too close, blah blah blah.

plus idk how relationships work in the order of the guide. he probably really didnt expect to get into a relationship and the new guide that comes along probably found it super strange.

anyway this is a lot of text wow im gonna just add on to the post as i think of shit but if u read all of this i am in love with u

EDIT: I FOUND A WAY TO MAKE A HAPPY ENDING

after defeating the moon lord, either the order of the guide or maybe even the spirits of terraria herself brings jack back because benny deserves that after saving all of them.

so benny notices the new guide is gone and was like “weird but whatever” and then he hears someone call out to him. he’s like “ugh what” and turns and its jack and he like. drops his weapon in his hand in shock and takes his eye mask and helmet off to see him properly. like he isnt sure if he’s dreaming or not.

and then he runs to him and grabs him and he’s real holy fuck. so he’s overjoyed and both of them fucking cry (first time jack actually sees ben cry ever!!!) and they kiss n shit and its incredible the end. since the world has been saved, the two live a more domestic life and benny is like “we’re never going to the underworld again ever and also im going to be around u a lot bc i missed u so much and i cant lose u again” so he’s extra clingy but jack is so happy to be back with him that he doesnt care!!!!!

also funny fact but the mechanic was the first npc to move in with them and (i think her name was shayna in my world. will change it if not) was overly annoyed at their constant sappiness before jack was killed. ben was extra affectionate to jack around her bc he likes annoying ppl (except for jack). but when jack comes back from the dead, she still acts annoyed but she’s actually relieved to see benny happy again.

[softputridcentre]

I'm fucking devastated...

I wrote a blog reviewing AEW dynamite (19/02/20), it was in depth, humorous AND long as shit... I used my phones swipe gesture to open Chrome to fact check something in case I was remembering it wrong.. and with one fluid motion.........CLOSED TUMBLR, losing the fucking essay I'd typed AND wasted a good hour and a half on.... that's fucking it... I'm turning off motion gestures on this fucking phone.... back to having my icons you shit...

Short version of my review....

Matt har...Jackson wins the battle royals for the young Bucks who go on to face the title holders later in the night (currently Kenneth Omega 6 and Hangman Austin 3:16 Page, but they have a match with belts on the line later with Lucha Bros)

Also, Orange Cassidy gets freshly squeezed by the Bunny... some people would pay good money for that, you ungrateful orange!

_______________________________

Kris Statlander beats the piss out of Shanna (wearing hot Goku outfit) whilst "Booping" everybody in sight and causing me to propose to my TV screen. She said BOOP!

Post match, Nyla comes out for an interview with Tony Schiovone and runs down the locker room, especially Riho. Kris comes back from the locker room, boops the title, big swole comes out and gets shouty... refs break up none existing fight.

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Jeeeeeeeeeeeoooooooon Moxley wins against Jeff Cobb, in the only disappointing match on the card. Technically sound but boring. Jeff looked strong but lost clean which doesn't look good, when hes Jerichos "hired assassin".

The inner Circle pile in and Dustin comes out and looks impressive plowing into the group, he gets overcome and the lights switch off... bah god that's gotta be kane!... nope... just Darby Allin... not disappointing, but I started watching wrestling in 97'... the lights went out, that meant hell fore and brimstone sunny jim!..

Derby swings his Skayeboard like a man possessed before wirelessly issuing a challenge to Sammy G for Revolution.

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Kenneth and Page take on the Luchas in the most stunning display!. There aren't words for this kind of match.. everybody involved is a treat to behold, and Rey Fenix is on another level.. fluid as fuck! I've NEVER seen anyone run across the top rope to boot someone in the temple.

If you're reading this... WATCH THIS MATCH... just watch it!. Far from perfection, but entertaining as shit!

Kenny and Page take the W, and out come nick and Matt to celebrate. The Elite are facing off in two weeks, Bucks Vs the Drunk fucks. Adam Page seems unsure and drinks the audiences beer as he leaves... leaving kenny to make excuses to Nick and Matt.

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Main Event time and the Cage is being lowered and set for Wardlow Vs. Cody Rhodes.

Wardlow hair stays in it's silly little man bun for a while but eventually pops out of place to make him look like an emo warlord. Cody is thrown into the cage early on which busts him open (keeps the camera off him long enough for him to carve a big chunk of scalp off), wardlow dominates but Cody gets some offense in... at one point Rollercodester is thrown through the cage door and Arn Anderson is holding it as MJF (Best ever, seriously the man.. fuck off he is!), eggs him on to swing it hard into Cody... Arn teases a turn, but swings it hard into the face of the King of the $10000 bling! Cody re-enters the fray and gets nailed with MJFs Dynamote ring... he retrieved is and returned fire, causing MJF to climb the cage in disgust, Brabdy spanks his ass with a chair twice and Maximillion drops down to spark her out... however... he gets suckerpunched.

Cody gets the upper hand and climbs the enormous cage, and as he hits the top, there isnt even a SECOND, no hesitation, no fear, no considering... his second foot hits the metal pole top of the cage, and he moonsaults from the top of that fucker onto wardlow and covers him for the 3 count.

Cody celebrates as my man MJF realises that Cody has done it. He refrained from physical contact, he took his 10 lashes in the ring and he defeated Warslow in a cage match... in less than two weeks, MJF takes on his mentor. Cody Rhodes. Max plays this PERFECTLY. he is the Best heel the business has to offer right now. Quick witted, snarky and plays his part 24/7 on his Twitter.

Great show!.... besides the Mox misfire, I think it hit all the bases.

Notes: KEEP BRITT OFF OF MICROPHONES.

Sammy Guevara, you OK bruv? That Superkick was NASTY!

Hangman, Pint?

Nyla, have a mask made... that one off wish does you no favours!

Join Dark Order.

[manicpixiedreamgurl182]

A week before Christmas our family received devastating news. My step mother, the woman who has raised me since I was 11 when my biologic mother was not around, the woman who gave me a little sister, and a little brother- was diagnosed with stage 3 lung cancer. Ever since then it has been a world wind fight at which just a month later she has lost. It was quick, it was sudden, devastating and so very unexpected. My last conversation with her was on January 23rd, 2020 @ 750pm where I called to check on her as she had just completed her first round of chemo and radiation the prior day. Sadly in my line of work it is incredibly difficult to get time off when there are so many cases that need me....

I asked her how she was feeling and she replied "I actually feel really good, probably the best I've felt in weeks" as she went on for the next 10 minutes cracking jokes and acting like it was no big deal as she always did when it came to us kids.

I woke up the next morning to the text message that changed everything. Sadly due to the complications of her cancer type and surgery, my step mothers body struggled with blood clots and then losing blood due to her being on blood thinners. A ct reviled she had suffered a major stroke and we received the news as a family that our mama bear wouldn't be coming home with/to us.

My little sister was with her for every single step of the way, a position no child should ever have to be in but kayla reported for her mother through every single appointment, losing hours of work and sleep to stand by her mother's side with grace and selflessness.. She was not alone, and she knows how very loved she was as dozens came by to support our family and say their final goodbyes.

I don't want this post to be completely sad as it feels impossible to make it anything but that at this time. Hugged your loved ones, no matter what you have gone through- drop the grudge and tell them you love them.

I never got to properly thank her.

Thank you for making my childhood fun.

Thank you for teaching me how to French braid.

Thank you for always saying yes to sleepovers with dozens of my annoying friends, and helping kayla and I sneak them in - knowing that dad had said no.

Thank you for all the home cooked meals,before you came along dad's bachelor stage meant the only protein I ever got was from a pizza roll.

Thank you for taking me to get school clothes and coming to my choir and band concerts.

Thank you for evan and for telling kayla "she isnt that weird give her a chance".

Thank you for telling me what a period was and showing me how to utilize a tampon when I locked myself in our bathroom and cried because I thought I was bleeding from my ass.

Thank you for gossiping about which boy I should date and why for hours on end while we folded mountains of laundry.

Thank you for making the call that saved my life.

Thank you for coming to see me and pick me up every other weekend and hanging out with me while I was in foster care.

Thank you for standing by my side when I wanted to get married.

Thank you for being there at the airport when I left for germany.

Thank you for landing me my first real job and for helping to teach me how to drive.

Thank you for being the middle man when kayla and I were so mad at one another we couldn't speak and always helping to resolve it.

Thank you for climbing a snow covered hill when you were pregnant because I broke my ankle.

Thank you for picking me up from school when I got suspended and covering for me so I didnt get in trouble with dad.

Thank you for dying my hair when dad said I wasn't allowed, and for making me laugh when you ratted yourself out by not wearing gloves and staining your hands pink for a week.

Thank you for dragging me out of the house when my grandma died and pushing me around in a shopping cart for hours on end yelling dumb stuff to cheer me up.

I didnt know a love like the love I had for you, because I didnt know that kind of love before you. And I know I will never know a love like that again.

Melissa, my Maggie- endless thank yous from now and into the beyond for being the best mother I could have ever dreamed of.

I love you,

I miss you, I'll be seeing you